Friday, October 10, 2008
My line of work has got to do with computers, and sometimes things can go crazy.To give you an idea,here are some computer humors I got from the web.Have a great laugh!
Email from a friend
Got this email from a friend:
I don't know how they wrote this with a straight face.
This apparently was a real memo sent at a computer company to its employees in all seriousness...
This memo is from an unnamed computer company. It went to all field engineers about a computer peripheral problem. The author of this memo was quite serious. The engineers rolled on the floor.
Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Unit). Therefore, if a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel.
Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop-off method. Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist-off method.
Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge.
Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately. It is recommended that each replacer have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction. Any customer missing his balls should suspect local personnel of removing these necessary items."
If only life could be...
IF ONLY LIFE COULD BE LIKE A COMPUTER!
If you messed up your life, you could press
"Ctrl, Alt, Delete" and start all over!
To get your daily exercise, just click on "run"!
If you needed a break from life, click on suspend.
Hit "any key" to continue life when ready.
To get even with the neighbors,
turn up the sound blaster.
To add/remove someone in your life,
click settings and control panel.
To improve your appearance,
just adjust the display settings.
If life gets too noisy, turn off the speakers.
When you lose your car keys, click on find.
"Help" with the chores is just a click away.
Auto insurance wouldn't be necessary.
You would use your diskette to recover from a crash.
And, we could click on "SEND NOW" and a
Pizza would be on it's way to YOU...
The train is so crowded that you cannot get anywhere near that nice girl at the other end...
You wish there was zoom & 'view full screen' in life!
After marriage you realize that there is bound to be a mismatch...
You wish there was an evaluation period or at least a sample down load or a demo version!
One day you realize that your are turning bald...
You wish there was cut and paste in life!
After buying a PC from a dealer of shady shady repute, the luckless customer unpacked his new toy and plugged it in to find it Dead On Arrival.
Naturally, after checking the usual things, he called the dealer and explained his problem. First question from Deviously Evasive Dealer: "Did you check to see whether the power was on?"
DED: "Did you open the cover and check whether any of the boards had shaken loose in shipping?"
DED: Then why are you calling me?"
"Well, you sold it to me and there has to be some kind of warranty," pleaded the frustrated purchaser.
"Of course there is," replied the DED, "But you voided the warranty when you opened the cover."
You are a computer addict if
* Your wife wants a diamond for her birthday, and you get her a Diamond Stealth Video Card.
* You know what PPP, SLIP, HTML & FTP mean...but darned if you can remember your wife's maiden name.
* You sit in front of the TV trying to type at a keyboard.
* You suspect there's a virus in your mashed potatoes.
* If you smoke away from the machine, you notice that the breaks are getting shorter and less frequent.
* The optometrist looks deep in your eyes, and sees a blue screen.
* You finally save up enough to visit the Grand Canyon, and you can't help but wonder how it would look on a 21" SVGA.
* Your computer room has a better air conditioner than your bedroom.
* You comment, while watching a sunset, that the image would be enhanced with 10% more magenta and a higher resolution.
* When someone tells you about a great new program and you're very disappointed to find that it's on TV.
* If while driving down the street, you are confused by the numbers on the houses - they do not appear to be legitimate WWW addresses.
* If you call in sick because you found a great new web site.
* If you can type your top 10 favorite Web sites, by heart.
* If your fingers quit moving because you've been online for 36 hours.
* If your net provider suggests you try a competitor, because you're exceeding 300 hours a month connect time.
* When your desk collapses under the weight of your computer peripherals.
* If you try to press Alt-F4 to close your car window.
* You refer to going to the bathroom as uploading.
* You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved and you don't have a clue as to when it happened.
* Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to go from top to bottom.
* Your nightmares are in HTML, flash and GIFS.
* Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you see a new WWW site address on TV.
* You turn on your intercom when leaving the room so you can hear if new e-mail arrives.
* When looking at a web page full of someone else's links, you notice all of them are in purple.
* Your pet has its own home page.
* You write your homework in HTML and give your instructor the URL.
*You tell the kids they can't use the computer because "Daddy's got work to do" -- even though you don't have a job.
* Your wife makes a new rule: "The computer cannot come to bed."
* You get a tattoo that says "This body best viewed with Netscape 3.0 or higher."
* You never have to deal with busy signals when calling your ISP... because you never log off.
* Your wife says communication is important in a marriage...so you buy another computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat.
* As your car crashes through the guardrail on a mountain road, your first instinct is to search for the "stop" and "back" buttons.
* You wake up at 4 O'clock in the morning to go to the bathroom and stop to check your email on the way back to bed.
* You turn off your computer and get an awful empty feeling, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
* You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just for the free internet access.
* You laugh at people with modems.
* You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word processor.com.
* You can't correspond with your mother because she doesn't have an email.
* When your email box shows "no new messages" and you feel really depressed.
* You don't know the gender of your three closest friends because they have nondescript screen names and you never bothered to ask.
* You move into a new house and you decide to Netscape before you landscape.
* Your family always knows where you are.
* In real life conversations, you don't laugh, you just say LOL, ROFL and so on.
* After reading this message, you immediately forward it to a friend!